Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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