Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you had me at cake vodka
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
