she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I believe in your delicious
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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