i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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