Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
