You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
