Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
