I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
