What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
