This is not my ceiling
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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