those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
