waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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