porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
