It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
