a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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