how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
