Banned from zoo.
Again?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
