After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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