I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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