Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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