I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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