Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm really busy with my period
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