I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
