People with herpes should wear stickers.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
