I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
