tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
