Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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