We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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