i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
