i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
there is glitter all over my balls
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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