Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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