You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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