Don't you send me to vm
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
