WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
