Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
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