$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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