There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
