Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
