I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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