and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
