did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
