I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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