Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
