1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
