I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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