Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
