I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
