she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I looked at my own cervix.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
