Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
