Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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