This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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