What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
