tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
