Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
